# Subject Line Ideas 1. What she was really saying 2. The riskiest thing I do as a husband 3. Reading between the lines 4. More than listening 5. The thing validation actually requires 6. Beyond "I hear you" 7. Why I stopped just listening to what people say 8. An educated guess that changed everything # Newsletter One of the hardest parts about being a husband (at least for me) has been learning how to be there for my wife when she's having a bad day. Growing up, my family never really spoke about feelings. It would be easy enough to tell when somebody in the house was having a bad day, but we never actually acknowledged it. Instead of talking about the bad day and giving the person space to vent, I was taught to go immediately into fixing mode. Acts of service were huge. My parents would focus more on doing things instead of holding space. The concept of "holding space" never even existed in my head until adulthood. After getting married, I quickly learned that my wife and I spoke different love languages. Acts of service were still important, but they didn't have the same effect on my wife that they did for me. Quality time is her jam. And when she's having a stressful day, quality time becomes even more important. Unlike my own experience, her way of getting through a bad day is by talking about it together. I know it sounds a bit ridiculous, but this was a new skill for me. You want me to just...sit there?...and listen?...and not do anything about it?? This month, we've been reading Caroline Fleck's book, Validation. The entire book teaches us how to listen in a way that makes the other person feel seen and understood. To be transparent, I'm still not done with the book. It's been a busy month, and I intend to finish it on my own time in the weeks ahead. But there has been one technique that has really stuck with me so far. It's the one that feels like a magic mind-reading superpower when done correctly. Put simply, it's the ability to read between the lines. One of the most basic active listening skills we're usually taught is to reflect back what we're hearing in our own words. Even though that does work, it isn't always enough. Reading between the lines takes this concept to the next level. Instead of just repeating what we're hearing, we try to truly understand what the person is telling us, and repeat back the deeper message they're actually trying to communicate. It's the difference between reflecting back, "I'm hearing you're feeling really anxious and sad" versus, "I'm hearing you feel so alone in this moment." Reading between the lines involves a certain degree of risk. There's always a chance you'll get it wrong and say something that doesn't resonate. When this happens, you'll need to have some thick skin. It can feel discouraging when you're just trying to help but don't seem to be getting anywhere. This is when you take a step back and work your way back up Caroline's validation ladder. But when it goes right, the results are profound. You'll end up feeling even more connected. I'd love to hear from you. What would you rate this month's book? Was there any lesson that stood out in particular? --- Related Notes: - [[2026 Book Club Emails]] - [[Validation How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life]] This note was originally created on **May 2, 2026**.