"Don't do it. Don't go there." As a therapist-in-training, I recently had a session with a client where I had to restrain myself from asking certain questions. When you're speaking with somebody who is going through a challenging time in their life, it's only natural to want to help. The default thing to do is to help the person get out of the situation they're in, to come up with ideas that might solve their problem. Ironically, trying to problem-solve in these moments is usually the worst thing you can do. Think back to a time when you experienced terrible customer support from a company. If I had to guess, there's a high probability the reason the interaction sucked was not because they weren't able to solve your problem. It was likely because you felt unheard, unseen, and invalidated by the person you were speaking with. This shows up everywhere. In my clinical training, I've had to rewire my brain to focus heavily on validation when working with my clients. However, this doesn't just apply to therapy. If you ask me, the problem-solving mindset has become an epidemic across all kinds of relationships. I see it time and time again within my family and social circles. Somebody expresses a struggle they are experiencing, and everyone tries to jump in and help. But more often than not, people can solve problems on their own. What they need from you is validation. I loved this quote from this month's book, _Validation_ by Caroline Fleck. She writes that anytime somebody comes to her with a problem, she asks herself one question: “Should I respond with problem-solving or validation?” This simple question has allowed her to be a better therapist, but also a better human across all her personal relationships. Being intentional and aware of how you're showing up makes a profound difference. In the chapters ahead, we'll learn more about the skill of validation, why it's so important, and how to use it effectively. But for now, I'm curious... Can you think of a time when you went into problem-solving mode by default? Or perhaps a time when you were on the receiving end of it? How did it go? I'd love to hear from you :) --- Related Notes: - [[2026 Book Club Emails]] - [[Validation How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life]] This note was originally created on **April 4, 2026**.