The EFT tango should be done in all stages of EFT. Over and over again. I like to start doing it as early as possible to get couples used to the feeling of doing enactments. 1. **Present Process** You pull the focus into the here-and-now. Instead of just talking about last week’s fight, you slow things down and track what’s happening between/inside partners in the room: “As you talk about that argument, what’s happening for you right now, sitting here with her?” You’re naming and reflecting the current emotional process and interaction. 2. **Primary Emotion** You help the client drop beneath secondary reactions (anger, shutdown, criticism) into the softer primary emotions and attachment needs (hurt, fear, loneliness, longing, shame). You stay with and heighten this experience so it becomes clearer and more alive. 3. **Pass It Over (Enactment)** You set up a focused, coherent enactment. The client turns and shares this primary emotion and need directly to their partner (or, in individual/family work, to the relevant person or internal representation), rather than just talking _about_ it to you. This is the “dance step” where they actually risk new contact. 4. **Process the Enactment** Right after the enactment, you process what just happened with both sides. You explore: - For the sharing partner: “What was it like to say that?” - For the receiving partner: “What was it like to hear that?” You reflect, validate, and deepen; you track shifts in emotion, bonding, and the interaction. 6. **Put a Bow on It (Integration)** You zoom out and organize the meaning of what just occurred. You link it to the negative cycle and highlight how this moment is new and corrective: “This is different from the usual pursue/withdraw pattern—we just saw you turn with your sadness instead of anger, and we saw your partner move toward you.” You frame it as a step towards safety and secure connection. --- Related Notes: - [[Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)]] This note was originally created on **February 13, 2026**.